I've been following the Vtech massacre story for the past 4 days, reading articles & watching videos from newsvine.com, yahoo news, nbc news, bbc news, and all the videos available on youtube. I'm in shock and don't know what to think or say. I feel an enormous rage whenever I hear the killer's voice in reading his statements included in the package he even managed to send to nbc between his shootings. Or to see a close-up of his face, his photos, and to hear, from a student reporter's video of the crime scene, the 27 horrifying consecutive gunshots he fired relentlessly. =( But I feel a deep sense of pity at the same time for the killer whose last words sounded more like an anxious cry for compassion and help, than just a mere feeling of hatred against 'the brats' and 'the snobs.' How awful. I wonder what he was going through, what things happened to him to feel so oppressed and humiliated by kids at his school, and my heart also, despite my anger, goes out to him. His actions have still, of course, outraged and burdened entire communities around the world.



Thank GoD for a sense of safety, which I, and other Filipinos whom I know (OFWs included), feel in this big city. Also for the sense of security in my small, private university. For surrounding us friends in college with dominantly decent people, not always entirely sane but sensible, anyhow. :) I've met some fantastic people who are supportive, generous, and humble regardless of differences in ethnicity, background, and even, levels of wealth. I want to thank those people I know, who come from these varying socities, for still being so grounded, and never letting anyone feel that they are so inferior and small.

I couldn't imagine it being easy for anyone to sit there, digesting all this footage + information that are immensely available online; To have images of sitting in class and watching your professor get shot to death.

It is about opening up to the reality of death, and comprehending the fact that death, in any form, is a part of life. I've always had a strong fear and defense mechanism against the ideas of isolation and permanent loss of another.

I lift up this fear to my GoD, and I pray that whomever reads this learns, too, to lift up any of their fears to their Lord and saviour.

Siguro lahat ng ito ay paalala lang na dapat lagi tayong nagpapasalamat kay GoD... To be thankful if we have our mental, emotional and physical health. :) To be thankful that, in our culture, we like to gather, we are affectionate and "family-oriented", we value companionship and never really feel so alone.

GoD bless those who are mourning a loss, and us who are here, very much ALiVE.